Identifying Narcissistic Behavior part 1

This is a topic that gets a lot of attention mainly because so many of us know someone who presents with narcissistic qualities. This is a huge topic so I will be breaking it up into two parts. Part 1 for this post is to help you identify narcissistic behaviors in someone.

How is Narcissism defined? According to Ramani Durvasula, PhD. and renowned expert in narcissism she writes in her book, It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissism (2024) “ Narcissism is a interpersonally and maladaptive personality style that encompasses a wide spectrum of traits and behavioral patterns that present in different ways from mild to severe…narcissism is about deep insecurity and fragility offset by maneuvers like domination, manipulation, and gaslighting, which allow the narcissistic person to stay in control.” Below she outlines common traits to look for in narcissistic people.

Common Traits:

Attempting to Feed the Narcissistic Supply- seeking validation through status, attractive friends/partners, social media followers etc. Not getting their supply leads to a dramatic and rageful shift.

Egocentrism- being selfish while simultaneously devaluing others

Restlessness- novelty seeking, often becoming bored easily leading to changes in partners and impulsive spending

Delusions of Grandiosity- a belief that they are superior to others, exaggerated beliefs about themselves and their qualities

Rapidly Shifting Moods- vacillating between charming and charismatic to blaming others and self victimizing if things don’t go their way

Entitlement- often considered the most prominent and core trait of narcissism. Belief that they deserve special treatment above others, the rules do not apply to them.

Overcompensation for Insecurity- the root issue that leads to all other traits, they are masking a deep sense of inadequacy with their self inflated behaviors

Extremely Sensitive- any amount of feedback or criticism leads to inappropriately large reactions and retaliation. Reassurance attempts are met with more lashing out

Inability to Self Regulate- unable to manage emotions or express them in a healthy or vulnerable manner

Dominance- must always attempt to have the upper hand in relationships. Relationships are sought to only benefit them and are not balanced

Lack of Empathy- empathy is often performative or transactional when displayed

Contempt for Others- contempt toward others for having to dependent on anyone

Projection of Shame- accusing others of the hurtful behaviors they are engaging in themselves

Overly Charming- highly skilled at charming and manipulating people to get what they want, often getting away with bad behavior

Narcissism falls on a spectrum, and someone may not display all of these traits, or may show them in a range of milder to extreme ways depending on the person.

Stay tuned for part 2 next month where I will discuss how to protect yourself and take care of yourself in relation to narcissistic behaviors.

For more, check out https://doctor-ramani.com/